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Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Higher Education Maroon Style

DeWitt County seat Clinton, Illinois is considering an accreditation program in serving alcohol. In a novel approach to providing higher education to booze dealing Maroons, Clinton's Mayor proposed

“They would earn a certificate and that certificate would follow the employee wherever he or she goes,” he said. “I believe that would also make the employee more employable. In a way, it would be similar to holding a high school diploma or college degree in the fact that it certifies the employee has been through the proper training.”

So, if I have this straight, in Clinton, Illinois, serving '57 Chevy's is similar to say, holding a degree in Nuclear Engineering or Russian History. This high minded development in higher education is unique in its skill set, and will certainly be in competition with such institutions as Harvard, Yale and the Peoria Bartending Academy. Will training including forced viewings of Tom Cruise miserable "Cocktail"? Is there a course in Advanced Draft and Pours Technology? Bottle Openers 201? How about a historical course "Aluminum Cans: The Peril of Streator"? A multicutural "Viva Compadres: Limes and SeaSalt for Flavor and Zest"?

Most importantly, will Goon U Degrees be transferrable to Hog City Pour Stores? I for one have always been happy with the non-certified service in Wapella, as have most patrons for the last 153 years. Does Wapella need some Maroon Style Higher Ed?


Anonymous said...

Well said Mod! I would suggest that Hog City not accept Maroon-certified pourers. As you point out, while bartending is not atom-splitting, the service in Hog City has always been great. The Rover and I were treated to some interesting crime information lsat summer, and while I have yet to figure it out, it made for some interesting listening. I don't know what the mayor has in mind, but the test had better not be too tough...or the drop out rate will be high.


EEP said...

Though there are some true gems as far as Clinton bartenders go (Lucas Hicks and Tim Potts being my probable #1 draft choices) these "certified" pourers should stay south of Hog City.

I'm guessing these top-certified Clintucky bartenders will be discussing such hot topics as the socio-political implications of the tavern as a community rallying point throughout history, as seen through a revisionist perspective, or will the conversation stick to the usual "why did Wapella dominate us so utterly in Khoury League?" shtick they are known for?

As far as whether or not this will be an improvement in service...well, while in Clintonia, I'm usually satisfied if my bartender can tell the difference between a can and a bottle, so I guess anything would be better than nil.

Rodrigo said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I suggest that Rodrigo take his T-shirt shop elsewhere.


Anonymous said...

No vende su camisas aqui.


Anonymous said...

As I recall, this same program was proposed to Village Board last September. They were asked to add the attendance of this yearly training class by owners and employees as a requirement for obtaining a liquor license. Also, as I recall, "civic-minded" D.T. was all for it and we expect him to follow his "orders" and revisit the topic soon.

Anonymous said...

The moderator told me to remember these lines a long time ago after getting stuck playing bartender at Don Nelson's anniversary party years ago. I believe the quotes came from the movie Neighbors:
"Enid Keese: Vic, what did you say is in a pile driver?
Vic: Italian Galliano for passion, Irish Mist for love and Russian vodka for endurance.
Vic: [aiming a shotgun at Earl] Now you take back that cup you keep switching, Earl. Or it'll be pump city."


J.B. said...

The flags did look great at the park. I understand the flags all belong to the Donovan family, many thanks to them. I'm sure everyone appreciates the contribution. I am also sure that civic leader DT will do the right thing. People in this town know they can count on him. Thanks to all who decorated the park for flag day and the fourth of July. JOB WELL DONE

shf said...

I have been keeping up on Wapella antics lately, David Taylor has done an outstanding job as a trustee. He is not afaird to speak his mind and is not intimidated by others. We all appreciated David being the voice of the people at meetings, this is something we have been missing the past 8 years. I wish the new board members the best of luck.

EEP said...

Hey folks, I'm sure DT appreciates the tidal wave of support he's being shown, but the WDotCom isn't set-up for politcal diatribes, one way or the other. DT is a friend of mine, but these posts are just begging to start some kind of trouble, which isn't going to fly on this website.

Take any misgivings about Wapella politics and/or the board to David E. Holt. I'm sure his rag would appreciate the story, if not print it. He enjoys trying to make Hog City look ridiculous, which is why he is currently #1 on's TOP GOON's list.

EEP said...

BTW - the above comment about keeping petty personal politics off this board goes out to Anon's comment as well, not just JB and SHF.

***All three are very close to violating a cardinal rule as set forth by our fearless MOD:

4) Personal attacks are generally goaded on. But no attacks will be tolerated on other Wildcats. Maroons, Hornets, Blue Devils are fair prey.

So leave the yellow journalism to D.E.H. (since initials are so popular around here....)

sempleman said...

Maybe The Heyworth Star should start covering Wapella politics...where there is no interest in ridiculing our fine neighbor to the south.

Anonymous said...

I concur with the last blog. As a former Heyworth Star employee I can vouch for the paper's integrity.


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